Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Mission Accomplished

Amazingly, the two following letters ended up by accident in my inbox:

Dear NPR,

Thanks so much for your loyal news summary this morning; I couldn't have scripted it better myself. Michele Kelemen did an excellent job representing the US State Department point of view regarding the Somali piracy issue. I've really appreciated your stellar record on muting any analysis of how our own foreign policy has lead to the dramatic rise in piracy. I also appreciate that bit about peacekeeping - nice - we definitely plan to keep Somalia in pieces for as long as possible.

Condeleezza Rice

The other letter was from the big dog himself:

Dear NPR Reporticators,

I felt very gratificated for your kind warm-up for the War Collage speech that I'm going to presentify this afternoon. I just loved how Carl Kasell pointed out that there hasn't been any big terrorism attack on the Fatherland since I assumptioned to power on 9-11. He really warmed to my successful domestic security blanket successfulnesses. I definitely would like to have Carl fill out my legacy report card.

Mr. Kasell defintitely went above and out of the bounds of dutifulness in crediting my securification of America for my undisputed electoral reelection victoriousness in 2004. And it was a nice little twist of argumentation for him to note that the problem with the Iraq Freedom Campaign is weariness.

Thanks Carl, oh and I'm a big fan of the wit and suffocafistication of that Wait Wait funny show you do on NPR. I just loved the funnin' you had with CIA Hayden.

George W. Bush

If you missed the news summary this morning, here are the sections that Rice and Bush were referring to:
Kelemen: "Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice who was in the Security Council for the vote says the resolution goes a long way to help countries coordinate their response to what she called 'the scourge of piracy.' It authorizes nations to pursue pirates not only at sea, but on land in Somalia. Rice said the council should also address the root causes of the piracy problem: the poverty, instability and lawlessness that have plagued Somalia for decades. She said it's time for the UN to consider a peacekeeping operation though that will be a much longer diplomatic battle."

* * *

Kasell: "President Bush speaks today at the US Army War College in Carlyle Pennsylvania. He plans to return to the theme that helped him win a second term: preventing another terrorist attack against the United States. The President is expected to point to his record on national security emphasizing that terrorists have not struck again since the 9-11 attacks when Homeland Security became his focus. The President is also expected to promote the steps the administration has taken such as reshaping the intelligence community and disrupting terrorist financing. Mr. Bush won a tough reelection battle in 2004 largely because of his advantage among voters on the national security issue. Since then a turbulent second term has eroded his public approval, the country has grown weary of the war in Iraq, and more recently the staggering economy."


Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

NPR is the foremost exponent of the Official Sources Stenography pool-style of 'washington' reporting.

Your nutsack will turn blue and drop off before you hear any single word of reproval, rebuke, or (dare I say) criticism of the regime from ANY of the NPR 'stars.'

NPR: You can't spell "RePublicaN" without it...

Anonymous said...

Looks like spam to me...


Anonymous said...

For a second there I though you were serious.

Porter Melmoth said...

NPR's loyal servitude to BushCorp is unending. How else is it possible to take seriously such a non-entity/failure of a Sec. of State as CondaSleezza? Well, there's always a cozy cubby hole waiting for her at the Hoover Vacuum Institute ('We Suck 'Em Dry').

Oh, that dear ol' Dubya! I'm sure Junior's always chuckled over his good little worker bees at NPR, doing their earnest damage control for him. No doubt he smirks over what patsies they are, but hell, they've come in handy many a time. They know how to use the Big Words, too.

When he's out of office, I hope Junior will do what Dick Nixon SHOULD have done: a new career, doing standup in Vegas.

Anonymous said...

I hate to say it, but if Rice were a white male, I seriously doubt she would have been given the particular jobs she has been given over the years .(Stanford Provost, National Security Advisor, Sec of State)

At best, she is mediocre in both the performance/intelligence categories and at worst, incompetent/moronic.

But this is really no secret.

But few will admit it for fear of being labeled as racist and/or sexist.

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

But few will admit it for fear of being labeled as racist and/or sexist.

Both Powell and Condaleeza (Italian for "Chickenlegs") were well aware of their roles as tokens in the Regime. It couldn't have escaped their notice that the only times they were trotted out were to extol the virtues of some policy or other which, had it been promoted by a white male member of the cabal, would have been laughed out of the room.

Anonymous said...


They were used and did not even realize it -- or at least, that is what they want us to think.

Some people don't mind being used (in fact, sometimes even encourage it) if it furthers their own career.

Anonymous said...

Yah. The very mention that Rice-a-Phony was gonna be sittin' at the table with the newly-annointed Meet the Press mod MC Smirky (or commonly known as David Gregory) today was quite enough to grab the remote with the swiftness of a gunslinger. Jan '09 can't come soon enough, I say!